What is Mentoring? Who needs it?

• Definition: A mentor is “an experienced and trusted counselor,” someone whose own marriage is solid and proven, who comes alongside another individual or couple to give attention, instruction, encouragement, support, approval, and comfort.

• Mentoring is excellent for seriously dating and engaged couples.

• Mentoring may be necessary for certain married couples:
  • Couples who are too “volatile” for a class or small group.
  • Couples who need a great deal of focused time and attention (i.e., intense grief, adultery recovery, spouse abuse.)
  • Couples for whom the small group setting is too threatening.

Other good reasons for mentoring

• Couples are often more honest with “lay” couples than with ministers or professional counselors.
  
• Lay mentor couples may have more to offer regarding dealing with real life experiences.
  
• The couple can get both a male and a female perspective
  
• Pastors can fulfill their real calling: to equip the saints for the work of the ministry. (Ephesians 4:12)
  
• Mentor couples are enriched and challenged in their own marriages.

What do mentor couples do?

• Assess the strengths and weaknesses of the couple through questionnaires such as FOCCUS – Facilitating Open Couple Communication Understanding and Study (877-883-5422).
  
  
  • Benefits: Getting to know the couple quickly; establishing credibility.
    
    
• Teach, reinforce, model, and encourage the “basics” of marriage intimacyby guiding the couple through the Intimate Encounters workbook:

Chapter 2:                   Intimacy Needs

Chapters 3-4:              Healing Inevitable Hurt

Chapters 5-6:              Understanding Healthy Relationships

Chapters 7-12:            “Leaving Father and Mother”

Chapters 13-16:          Unhealthy thinking, goal setting, intimacy through the life cycle, developing an “intimacy action plan.”

• Make video and audio tapes of Intimate Encountersavailable to the couple to help them further experience the principles.

Next steps for mentoring

• Become trained to administer FOCCUS or another questionnaire.
  • Visit Marriage Savers Website or go to directly to http://marriagesavers.com/training.htm for more information about FOCCUS.

• Continue to work on your own marriage intimacy.

• Work with your pastor to define your mentoring program and then to publicize it. Get ready to receive referrals.

• Consider starting a “Nearly-Newlywed” type class for dating, engaged, and newlywed couples. Your “mentoring clients” will primarily come out of this class.